Me No Hero

I have just completed watching the whole first season of Heroes couple of days ago. I know, it’s very lame. The season has been over zillion years ago and the next season will come very soon but I have just finished watching it recently. I won’t blame anyone, and surely I won’t blame my CCIE journey or my works. Let’s just say it was difficult to find time to watch, okay? I remember I even watched the last two episodes in Changi Airport, while waiting for my flight.

Anyway, I like the whole idea of ordinary people who suddenly realize they can do extra ordinary things. Each of them tries to discover and use the ability for his or her own purpose. And just like any other movies or TV series that I watch, I started comparing the philosophies and the characters in Heroes to my own life. That doesn’t make sense, I know. But I’m a kind of guy who ridiculously believes the only time when the world makes sense is during CCIE lab, so I guess I can do whatever I want including imagine myself as one of the heroes.

There are many characters with their own special abilities. Nathan Petrelli is a New York congress man who can fly. Hiro Nakamura is a Japanese nerd who can manipulate the space-time continuum so he can stop the time and teleport himself. Matt Parkman is a police officer who can hear other people’s thoughts. Isaac Mendez is an artist who can paint the future. Sylar is a serial killer who kills other super-powered individuals in order to take their abilities. Peter Petrelli, just like Sylar, can absorb others abilities but he doesn’t have to kill them, just merely stands next to them instead.

Looking at those characters, I can see similar situation in my Advanced Services team. I have a colleague who has specialty in one area, while some others have their own specialties. They may not get it because of their DNA, but with hard work, dedication and consistency in learning, but some people can really reach the highest level in an area within the network engineering skills.

How about me? Somehow I feel like myself is being as Peter. I have no special abilities or skills by my own. Everytime I do project with other engineers, I ‘absorb’ their abilities. I haven’t been able to be part of the team where I must taking part with my specific ability. I always involve in the project where I have to combine all the engineers’ skills and deliver them as one piece of solution. And most probably that is because I have no specialties, no in-depth skill. Currently I work in Service Provider field but with most experience in Enterprise network. So anyone I’m currently working with always have more experiences. That means most of the time I can just absorb and learn from the others.

Back to the TV series, so which ability do you like? Do you want to be able to fly, stop the time, hear other thoughts, or can paint the future? Or perhaps other abilities from different other characters such as spontaneous regeneration, can pass through solid objects, or able to talk to electrical devices?

I don’t want to be like Peter but it seems like this is the closest thing I have so far. I’d rather be someone with a specific skill and not like this young Petrelli who can absorb others’ but sometime can’t control it. Or at least I want to be like Sylar. Surely I can’t open up my colleagues head to take their brain, but Sylar is much better in controlling his powers.

Some say, everyone can be hero. But I want to become Sylar.

That’s not because I want to become a bad guy. But having a thought that I don’t have any specialties is really killing me. Or able to absorb from others but can’t control the skill is a burden as well. In my case, I can learn from other colleagues but may not be able to recall the skills at the right time. I have been thinking about it and to be frank I start getting this fear. A fear that one day I may end up as someone who knows many but nothing in depth. One day I may realize that I have nothing but just a shallow understanding of many things.

I guess I might blow up someday, just like Peter.